Last week in particular, I was working through some of my default relationship behaviours, given how anxiety-provoking this whole high school/camp setting is.
There are the performers, the "strong personalities", perhaps especially in my self-selected group: early-morning vinyasa.
A lot of my feelings of rejection and apprehension have to do with choice of words. Fine, they talk about "positive/negative energies" a lot and perhaps I wouldn't (yet) - but it makes sense to me, given how much I myself react to surroundings and spaces, and how group dynamics can really enter a negative spiral of bitching and judging and relating/bonding with negativity.
And I also think we all seek to feel safe and warm and held, or to be free and expansive to open our hearts widely (with or without chakra). Or, for example, people are on their "journeys", and as different as we are,that somehow unites us.
None of this is earth shattering.
And I also think we all seek to feel safe and warm and held, or to be free and expansive to open our hearts widely (with or without chakra). Or, for example, people are on their "journeys", and as different as we are,that somehow unites us.
None of this is earth shattering.
We all sniff out like animals who is on top and confident (a leader), try to be a leader, be popular; stay away from the weak members of the group (" negative energy "). But we are together for so long, and actually with good intentions, that this pattern cracks, and we relax into each other. Or maybe thats just my his talking - as we know from Chakira, hips don't lie - after extended opener sessions this morning; I felt smiley and curious most of the day - AND I was able to contort myself into a lotus! (for maybe 10 seconds) progress after just a week!
By now, I notice more and more similar or different struggles and insecurities in the others - many are younger, many are more in need to perform, and the hatha teacher was probably right when she said we will find what we are looking for - which, for some, is to have a life changing experience.
The monkeys like to watch us sweat. I'm still apprehensive of course strolling cows - the other day someone was carefully scooping up and storing some dung. If they kicked me it might be the punishment for my negative energy, telling me to finally release, let go... Part of me wants to, sometimes; and part of me resists the staged nature of our " laughing yoga," "crying yoga" etc.
I'm still sitting here with my liberal supply of charcoal, and can't remember ever having been as excited about a bowel movement in my life.
I'm still sitting here with my liberal supply of charcoal, and can't remember ever having been as excited about a bowel movement in my life.
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