Tomorrow are the last tests and lessons, and then there will be graduation: another fire ceremony and people are ordering saris left and right (not me). At night I'll take the train to Delhi with Alessio and hand around at the airport until my flight to via and the next part of the journey.
And then there will be more time for reflection, perhaps.
At times I was frustrated with the teaching and the course and not getting more out of it and how the group and its dynamics were so distracting. But today I thought that not only did this offer important corrections and reminders to my self-narratives, but it makes sense to search for a saner, healthier, more spiritual and truthful way of being and living with others, not as an island - which lately had been my problem with therapy. Although this bubble here is therapy.
It's also odd having this experience after the PhD bubble - where these relationships were formed over years of shared marinating/misery. Maybe that too is why I feel a bit less thrown into feelings of eternal bonding and friendships here.
Tuesday: last tests I almost blatantly cheated. I'm weirdly bored but I still have better things to do with my time than learning Sanskrit sutras by heart.
Now I feel oddly deflated. Lucky that Amy is here, who is wonderful and openly states she doesn't like the group.
I'm exhausted from the honking and hassling and the heat and the constant struggle to find food that seems yummy (definitely majorly missing proteins and umami here) and safe. From watered down canned tomatoes soul, daal every day, sugar in everything, even tofu and paneer as a hard-to-get delicatesse. I've started overeating majorly on snacks, as have the others, and it's really weird to overeat on unhealthy food you don't even particularly enjoy.
Tomorrow is the graduation, everyone but me is getting saris made. I feel very estranged again from this whole thing.
And then there will be more time for reflection, perhaps.
At times I was frustrated with the teaching and the course and not getting more out of it and how the group and its dynamics were so distracting. But today I thought that not only did this offer important corrections and reminders to my self-narratives, but it makes sense to search for a saner, healthier, more spiritual and truthful way of being and living with others, not as an island - which lately had been my problem with therapy. Although this bubble here is therapy.
It's also odd having this experience after the PhD bubble - where these relationships were formed over years of shared marinating/misery. Maybe that too is why I feel a bit less thrown into feelings of eternal bonding and friendships here.
Tuesday: last tests I almost blatantly cheated. I'm weirdly bored but I still have better things to do with my time than learning Sanskrit sutras by heart.
Now I feel oddly deflated. Lucky that Amy is here, who is wonderful and openly states she doesn't like the group.
I'm exhausted from the honking and hassling and the heat and the constant struggle to find food that seems yummy (definitely majorly missing proteins and umami here) and safe. From watered down canned tomatoes soul, daal every day, sugar in everything, even tofu and paneer as a hard-to-get delicatesse. I've started overeating majorly on snacks, as have the others, and it's really weird to overeat on unhealthy food you don't even particularly enjoy.
Tomorrow is the graduation, everyone but me is getting saris made. I feel very estranged again from this whole thing.
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